What Do You Say to a Portland Hater?

Wow. I mean, I’m just not sure how to respond to a reader who says Portland is subject to mob rule and mass violence.

I wrote a piece for the May 22 Eugene Register-Guard recommending a family-friendly weekend in Oregon’s largest city. (Find it on my Facebook page, “John Gottberg travel and dining,” or at this link: http://www.registerguard.com/web/livinglifestyles/26259493-44/portland-www-museum-com-park.html.csp ).

A reader responded that “… Portland is the last place on earth we would take our kids.”

Portland Children's Museum

I’m going to let her remain anonymous, but I wonder if any of my blog readers might care to respond. The letter runs following.

It’s nice to think that families could go to the Rose Parade in Portland, and not have to run into thousands of nude bicycle riders, who are leftovers from San Francisco and now live here. It would be nice for families to go to Portland, and not get their cars burglarized,and not get attacked by local Portland gangs looking for drug money. Oh, and going to dining places in Portland is great, except, of course, that food in Portland tends to run to vegan, and expensive, and it’s not very kid friendly.

I guess that is because it’s not safe for any kids in Portland, and you can lose yer kid in a crowd, once you lose their hand, and wind up getting them taken by the many pedophiles that now live in or near Portland, cause there are so many families with kids here.

Trying to advertise Portland, Oregon, as “family friendly” is like trying to tell people they can swim in the same river with crocodiles, and not worry about it. For one thing, many of we families do not like to take our kids to very gay places, which have all the gay culture, transexuals, drag queens, and all the stuff that Portland now sees as “progressive.”

Why are you trying to get families to go to Portland, when we family members know now that Portland is the last place on earth we would take our kids? If we do not want to take our kids to roam the worst streets of NYC, why would we do that same thing in Portland?

It’s hard trying to answer a kid, when they get curious and ask, “Why is there a ban on fur in Portland, and it is forbidden for anyone to sell it there?” And have to tell them, “It was forced onto the city by mass violence, rioting and force. Gangs threw the fur store out of the city and condemned anyone to have any fur stores in Portland. It was the will of the gangs.” I’m not going to take my kids to Portland and try to explain why it is run and planned by mob rule and not by anyone sane.

You can write as much as you like about how kid-family friendly Portland is, but it’s exactly like a slum, run by gangs, dangerous, [like] in NYC or Chicago. I’m not taking my family and kids there, either. Forget it!

Go advertise something else, like how great the gardening weather is here. So great! No sun, all rain, all year long, cold, wet, damp, and all the plans and crops refuse to grow, and all rot. We have all given up on gardening here, unless it is raising slugs and snails to sell. …  

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1 Comment

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One response to “What Do You Say to a Portland Hater?

  1. Jess M

    That letter made me choke on my tea it was so unintentionally and delightfully funny. The image of gangs gunning for tourists will keep me chuckling all day. Satire, maybe? Having lived in both Bend and Portland and loved them both for what they have to offer to families, I am sometimes a little sad that we’re still not in Portland. Bend is wonderful, but at the same time I feel my children are missing out on a heck of a lot of cultural diversity growing up on this side of the Cascades.

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